Friday, April 17, 2015

The Proud, Indepent Black Woman Who Don't Need No Man

In my ongoing struggle to adapt to my post-Megan life, I return yet again to my blog to entertain my very few readers. Read on past the break for more musings, ramblings, and milestones in my journey of self-discovery.

So over the last few weeks Megan has been getting her nails done with my best friend Jessie. My very best, Team Jeremy, best friend. And that's fine. It's business for Jessie. What's not fine is what happens at these business transactions.

You see, working as a nail technician, Jessie listens to a lot of gossip and talking and all kinds of stuff. It's part of the job, like getting your haircut. Jessie is required to maintain a sort of neutrality to whatever is being said. So the content in question is that Megan is doing two very strange things: 1) she is asking a million questions about me. Questions like, "How is he doing? What is he doing?" and stuff like.

Before we move on to strange thing number two, let's examine number one. Why the actual fuck does she care? She made it pretty clear when we broke up that she would want nothing to do with me now or in the future. I've heard varying opinions. My roommate believes she is going through some sort of denial. Jessie thinks she is wanting to know if I'm suffering, which leads us into number two.

Next strange thing: 2) she is talking mad shit about me. She has been trying to make Jessie think that she is the victim in some weird attempt to win her over, or to make Jessie sympathize with her. Now I don't believe Megan to be a stupid girl, but this is a pretty fucking stupid thing to do. Why would my very best friend ever switch teams? Especially for the girl that destroyed me? But it's not just the mad shit talking that is happening. A lot of the statements have been to assert her dominance over this breakup. To make clear to everyone (as if it wasn't already) that she broke up with me, and not the other way around.

This is dumb, because nobody thinks otherwise. It is a well known fact that she left me. But I think she does this to make herself feel empowered, confident and maybe just better about the whole thing. I'm not entirely sure. Megan has generally been on the receiving end of break ups so for her this is probably like gaining superpowers. And frankly, if she needs to say these things to make her feel empowered and strong, then good for her. I think it's super sad, but if it helps her get through the day and she is doing better because of it then I am happy for her. Ultimately though, her empowerment is blind. She doesn't see the reality of her powers, that her leaving me was more like running. She ran from the problems in our relationship rather than try to work them out like adults do. In fact, she has run from a number of different things in her life because she has a complete inability to deal with the difficult parts of life.

I may seem like I hate her, which I kind of do, but ultimately I do want her to be happy, even if it isn't with me.

It would sure be nice though if she just get the fuck out of my life though.

Lastly, I've come to the realization that I am doing much better than two weeks ago. I am no longer sad about losing Megan, and rather I'm just sad about being single. It really sucks. Also, if Megan ever did try to get back together (what Taco and I called, my Joffrey dying) then I can safely say I would not get back with her, not until many things changed. And this would only be after an exceptionally long vetting period to make sure she actually does change. You see, in realizing that she ran from our problems it exposed a few key things that have really helped me get over her. The first of which is that she is very immature, and not someone I should have been wasting time with.

You see I went on a date this week with someone that is about the same place in life where I am. It was so refreshing to be able to communicate and be around someone who has a similar level of success in life as I do. And this was mind blowing. It made me realizing I was settling for someone that kind of wanted to be with me, but whom I ultimately didn't want to be with.

Beyond the immaturity, it exposed something key about her. And that key thing is that she had a complete lack of respect for me, and everything I've done for her. Whether it was letting her borrow my nice car after she totaled hers, finding her future job for her when she got fired, busting my ass to find a new car for her, driving to goddamn Idaho to pick up her stuff so she could move in or letting her live in my house with me for almost nothing. The fact that she ran away after how much I put into her relationship is appalling, she was not ready for primetime.

We are almost through the tunnel loyal readers.

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