I am completely lost

Pretty obvious title right? Well, it is how I feel. I have been feeling totally and completely lost, for who knows how long now. But I feel that writing about it may help so here goes nothing. And perhaps if you feel lost, this may help or even bring things into perspective.

Rage Post: December 5, 2013

This is going to be the first post in what I believe could possibly become a longer series. I've titled this one "Rage Post" because that is what I am going to do. You see, I've learned that people don't like when I bitch to them about my day, so I've found that is easier just to write about it and if you feel so inclined to know you will click the link that will take you here.

Disclaimer: this post is not intended to be happy. There is no rainbow at the end. No happy ending here. Just pure, unadulterated, Jeremy-rage.

9 Things about me!

So a friend gave me a number and told me do this. And also I needed something to blog about. So here we go!

#1: My middle name

I take great lengths to ensure that my middle name is a secret. Why? Well, I don’t really have a good answer for that, but it adds a small amount of mysteriousness to my persona. Most people don’t know my middle name unless they have discovered it through various means of subterfuge, or I told them. So if I told you, you are probably an extraordinarily important person in my life.

#2: Flash Gordon

I sing Flash Gordon by Queen every time I feel victorious, or triumphant in some way. I also only do this when I am by myself. Not sure why it is always this song..

#3: My sister

I go to her for advice; which is strange, because she is younger than I am. For those that don’t know my sister, she is much older in mentality than she is in age. Which then begs the question, who does she go to for advice if it isn’t me?

#4: Foreign Languages

I speak no foreign languages. Not even Tagalog which is the native language of the Philippines where my mother is from. Due to my Filipino heritage I am commonly mistaken for a Spanish speaker which is simply not the case. However, I did at one point in time know how to speak French and have been re-learning it again.

#5: School

I almost dropped out of college. Twice. Both of which occurred in my Senior year. Twice I found myself in front of the registrar, completely ready to go in and withdraw from classes. It was a very dark time in my life due to my parent’s divorce and multiple other things going on. But I persevered due to very good friends supporting me and an endless supply of video games to escape to.

#6: Christmas

I have a love-hate relationship with Christmas. I’ll skip the obvious love of receiving gifts. I love it because it brings people together! The snow is absolutely wonderful, hot chocolate, the fireplace, I love it all. I also hate it because the last two Christmases have not been great for my love/personal life. So here’s hoping this next one is better.

#7: Guitar

I started playing guitar because I thought it was super cool and I could use it to pick up chicks. No joke here folks. I didn’t start playing because it was destiny. Or that I walked into a music shop and a guitar started glowing and reaching out to me. Or that Jimi Hendrix himself appeared to me in a dream to convince me to play. It was purely for the cool factor. Luckily it paid off and got me through college via scholarships. But it has yet to actually get me a girl so measure success however you see fit.

#8: My dream

If I had just one wish that was not limited by space, time or grandeur, I would wish to live in Star Trek. My ultimate dream is to go to Star Fleet Academy, captain my own ship and explore the edges of space and understanding. Sure, Star Wars is pretty cool what with the force and Jedi, but I like Star Trek way too much. One day I will tell everyone why Star Trek is so important to me, but that’s if I ever get around to blogging about it.

#9: Reality

Over the last few years my thinking and perception of reality has changed. More and more I see and think about things that question everything I know. Whether it be a book/movie like “Cloud Atlas” or a game like “The Stanley Parable” or even just hanging out with Justin Hayes, I’m constantly trying to expand my mind. I truly believe that there are multiple universes where we exist, but make slightly different decisions thus changing our whole lives! I question the reality of choice, do we actually have choices or are we destined to make the same decisions? As you can see, the first two ideas are conflicting with each other. But I like getting lost in my thoughts. Because, life would be boring if you weren’t constantly in search of answers or something to fundamentally change the way you think and behave.

Tl;dr I’m a little crazy

My Favorite Superpower

This is going to be a hugely Man of Steel/Superman related post. If this doesn't interest you, well, you should still read anyway! And even come back a few times to increase my view count ;)

So.. much.. testosterone

This post is going to be about my new found forms of manliness and why I think it is happening. Read on past the break to delve into the finer details of my life!

The Best Soundtrack of all Time

This is a post about the soundtrack to Garden State. If you haven't seen it, don't even read this post.
I kid, I kid!
But really, do yourself a favor and go see it. I will even let you borrow it if you cannot find it!

Sometimes

Sometimes, you find the words to say what you always wanted to say but never did..
And then you don't say anything.
Sometimes, you just can't find the words at all..
And then they come to you but the right moment to say them has passed.

Sometimes, you just need to be angry for seemingly no reason at all..
Because it feels good to just be angry.
Sometimes, you believe you have a reason to be angry..
Because you feel wronged even though you knew the risks involved.

And sometimes, you just need to explode, and let everything it out..
Even though your perceived form of altruism is to keep the explosion in.
And sometimes, you can't help but explode on the inside..
Even though they are just micro-explosions leading to the real one.

Sometimes you sacrifice yourself for others..
And they never notice.
Sometimes, you care about someone so much that personal sacrifice is the least you can do..
And somehow, you know that they know about your sacrifice.

And sometimes, you keep it all it in to try and hold yourself together..
Because you know that they need you to be something more, something greater.
And sometimes, you take on the pain because it's what you promised you would do..
Because you know, that it is the right thing to do.

On a side note, I am going to try and blog more.
For reals this time.
I know I say that every couple of months, but I feel like I need to write.
It's cathartic.
And frankly, it's probably the best thing I can do right now to keep it all together.